she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize