I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
