I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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