If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
