I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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