Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
