im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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