She said her name was "party"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
