Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
