So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
