Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
