remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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