Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
