please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The air taste purple.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
