I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
