If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
