Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
