i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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