Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
