Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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