Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
