Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
