you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
