once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
