The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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