Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
