Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize