how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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