I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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