Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
