I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
