Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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