God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
