Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
