i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
