Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
