wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
