Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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