You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
