Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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