half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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