god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
