let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
