Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
