Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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