I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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