Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
