Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize