i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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