Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
