I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
