Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
