I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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