it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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