good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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