i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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