My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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