just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
