Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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