like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
