SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
