I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
