The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I smell like Dick and happiness
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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