Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
