This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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