Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
