Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
