sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
even my farts smell like vagina
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
