she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
