Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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