Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My life is pants optional.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
