Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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