Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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