i think i scared a bird with my dick
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize