If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
