This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
