I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize