Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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