U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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