you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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