omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
