do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
