Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
