So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
