this just has baby written all over it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize