im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
