i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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