You can't special order awesome
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
