FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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