nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
