; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
