I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
