there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
