I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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