You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
