Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize