would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
