I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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