nut hugger
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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