If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This is my gift to your gina
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
