There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
