some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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