Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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