I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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