How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
