If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
