Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
